How is Coaching Different From Therapy?
So life coaching is a new and rapidly developing field, and what you’re getting when you sign up for a life coach has a huge variety, a lot of which won’t work for you and your brain. Especially since my work is focused on emotional and thought-based approaches (i.e. what’s happening in your brain), it can get super unclear what the difference is between therapy and coaching.
One of the first things I say in most of my consult calls with potential clients is “I am not a licensed mental health psychologist or psychiatrist, I’m not qualified to treat significant mental health difficulties or diagnose you with anything, and I highly recommend therapy in addition to coaching no matter the scope of your brain drama” or something of that nature. In fact, many of my clients also have therapists they see regularly, and signed on with me just to get a little extra support and dial in some of the intricacies around how their neurodivergence is affecting their lives from someone who’s been there.
I want to start with the similarities to get a solid groundwork before talking about the differences. Because life coaching covers such a wide range of modalities, I’m going to focus on my specific approach here. Note that my personal exposure to therapy is mostly restrained to talk therapy rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, and the range in therapy techniques is almost as large as that of coaching. For these purposes, I’m referring to mostly CBT-based therapy in comparison as it’s currently the most common form of therapy and what most people think of when they think of therapy. But the complexities of comparing all different forms of therapy and coaching would fill several books.
Similarities between CBT and My Coaching
Code of Ethics: Most certified coaches, like therapists, are internally governed by a drive to help and do no harm. Similar to the oath that many doctors take during their education, many coaching certifications include their own versions of the code of ethics, which emphasize responsibility to the client, to the practice, and so on. Check out the International Coaching Federation’s Code of Ethics here, for instance.
Right to Privacy: What we talk about in sessions is private (unless I get express consent to share). While I am not formally bound by HIPAA, I strive to act as if I am at all times. Records are electronically protected, and I won’t share identifying info outside of agreements made with the individual.
Focus on Helping You Improve Your Life: Both fields are focused on improving client’s life and relationships through investigating what’s happening in your brain. Some coaches take a more external focus than brain and body, and I do incorporate some tools that are more concrete and action-focused, but I’ve found that action isn’t usually helpful unless we’re also doing work to shift your mindsets to fit your goal, and building up your window of tolerance for emotional processing.
Tools Backed By Science: As much as I can, I root my tools in strong scientific principles, and many coaching certifications do the same. We may focus on expanding neuroplasticity, or on nervous system regulation, or on snowball effect and habit formation science, or on how ADHD and autistic brain function and body experiences differ from the neurotypical experiences, or more (I’m constantly learning new tools and making new connections back to the science!), but as a former scientist, I connect basically all our tools back to why they work, much of which is backed by peer-reviewed research.
Equips You to Find Your Own Path: Some people come into coaching hoping their coach will give them a magic answer and technique for how to think and how to “get their life together.” But I’m not here to give you the answer for how you “should” live your life, because everyone’s happiest, most authentic life is different. Just as a good therapist doesn’t tell you what you should think but helps you figure out how you want to think, I’m not here to give you the answer to the right thought or way to meet your goal but to give you tools that will help you puzzle your way to your right answer. Which is great news, because it means you won’t need me on retainer your whole life to make your decisions for you, you’re building your own skill to trust your own ability to steer your life.
License ≠ Efficacy: The license level of the professional does not always line up directly to their efficacy for you. I’ve had several licensed therapists in the course of my lifetime that haven’t meshed well with my brain and have done things that didn’t work or outright set me back. I’ve had unlicensed life coaches who changed my life with one piece of insight that they gathered as a result of their natural experience. In fact, I was helping clients with my tools more than a year before I had the time to sit down and complete my first certification, and my approach was still helping them. The certification hasn’t changed that much about my practice, just given me a couple extra tools and structure. Note that I’m not saying the certification isn’t worth anything, and there’s for sure a correlation between how much time, energy, and education someone has put in and how effective their approach is. But there’s also a huge part of effective counseling and coaching that comes down to individual relationships, how they mesh with you, what else is up in their life, and the healing work the coach/therapist has done to maintain their own objectivity and compassion, which a license doesn’t guarantee.
Okay, so some of the vibes are similar, but the real meat is in the distinctions, so let’s get into it.
How Is Coaching Different from Therapy?
More goal/future focused: This is the big meat of the difference between coaching and therapy: therapy is very often focused on understanding the past and accepting the current, and then stopping there. The thing I love most about coaching is that the field as a whole has a heavy focus on improving your future and working towards the brain and future that you want for yourself. We will still unpack what your brain is doing, and that acceptance and compassion of the present and past is VITAL. (In fact, my clients who are also in therapy are usually the most successful in coaching because they’ve already had this practice) But we will then apply that compassion towards movement, and figure out how we want to shift your experience towards something more useful to you. We focus a lot on building up safety in your body and shifting harmful mindsets one baby kitten step at a time, and are always moving towards a future that creates more ease and joy for you.
Less established field: Top of everyone’s mind is the concern that coaching isn’t regulated and anyone can claim they’re a coach, and that’s true. There are a lot of coaches out there with a lot of vastly different approaches, and some of them are capable of doing harm. But human brains are complicated and no two work the same: what might be harmful for one could be the most helpful thing for someone else, and we’re all just humans trying to puzzle through it together. The fact that coaching is a less established field also has a plus side: it circumvents a lot of the established stigmas against marginalized folks that exist in places like the medical field (consider institutionalized fatphobia, a long history of awful treatment of BIPOC folks, or the prevalence of pathologizing and infantilizing neurodivergent and disabled folks). The lack of an institution in the coaching field leads to fewer institutionalized inequities, which can make it feel easier and safer for the same communities who feel alienated and unwelcome in traditional medical fields to seek support in another way (and then use that foot in the door to get more established medical support as needed, because coaching is not a replacement for medical care!).
Less inherent pathologizing: It can be really hard for neurodivergent folks to find a qualified therapist who doesn’t subconsciously pathologize and/or infantilize their neurotype in a way that’s not helpful, because that pathology focus is an inherent part of their education. There are definitely plenty of therapists out there who don’t fall into this trap, but they can be hard to find. Coming from the angle of knowing and loving my own autistic brain allows me to avoid the majority of those pitfalls and interface with my clients in a way that fiercely protects their agency and intelligence. We all still have socialization to work through on either end of the spectrum, but my practice at least doesn’t lean as inherently on pathology through the DSM-5 and clinical diagnoses, which can alienate a lot of folks from their practitioner.
Lower barrier for entry: This can feel like a point of concern for some folks, that there’s nothing to weed out unhelpful practitioners, and if a rigorously tested license is part of a thing you care about, that’s super fair and valid. But it also means that folks who have excellent support to provide, but don’t have the resources to pursue a lengthy degree, have a way to still provide help to the communities they care about. You’ll see more marginalized folks in the coaching practices because it is easier to access, and it’s easier to get support to people who need it without waiting six years. This same low barrier is what made it possible for me to take back control of my own life!
Less hierarchical: Every good coach I know is very clear on the fact that they are not an expert or a guru or a perfect person, we are just humans who have been where you are and feel in love with some tools that have helped us a lot. Good therapists are equally clear about the fact that they’re flawed humans, but there can still be some amount of established expectation of hierarchy with a psychologist because of the socialized context, which can feel alienating for some people. Especially for those who chafe at hierarchy, which is very common in autism and ADHD, a coach can feel like a more equal partner, rather than an expert I’m supposed to defer to. There are whole schools of thought here around hierarchy and decolonization, a rabbit hole that I’ve personally only begun to peek into but highly recommend following.
Less reliance on established science: Yet another thing about coaching that feels questionable, right? But here’s the thing: we know very little about how the brain functions, and peer-reviewed science takes decades. Most of the research that we have on autism, for instance, is very specifically geared towards a specific subset of the population, is heavily infantilizing, and deeply rooted in white supremacy and epigenetics (research the history of Asperger’s and why we no longer use the distinction to learn more). A good coach will certainly never go against science that has been proven, but there are a lot of helpful tools and schools of thought that just haven’t been around for long enough to be scientifically tested. PDA (pathological demand avoidance) is one of these, and there’s a lot of contentious discussion around it right now. It may be clarified or disproven some day, but I personally find it a helpful tool for understanding my brain, and I have more freedom than most therapists to play with less established tools to see what works with you. I care less about how peer-reviewed a tool is than how helpful it is for you, and coaching allows more flexibility to explore those tools.
Not certified to manage a mental health crisis! This is the most important disclaimer that I will make over and over again. I don’t ever want to leave you with the impression that coaching is a replacement for therapy. I’m not certified to help treat significant mental health issues or to diagnose you with anything, and I heartily recommend also finding a therapist that jives with you, especially if you have notable concerns that are affecting your quality of life. I am here as an extra form of support to give you an extra goal-oriented, non-hierarchical perspective from someone who has spent a lot of time and effort unpacking their own neurodivergent brain and place in the world. The more forms of support you have, the better off you’ll be!
Why I Picked The Coaching Route
I mean, really a little bit of all of the differences above. The lower barrier of entry made it a lot easier for me to start practicing and shifting careers without having to spend four years of time and money that I didn’t have. In fact, I was working with clients for more than a year before finishing my first official coaching certification, and said clients were happy with the tools I was providing them regardless of the official stamp.
But I also came to this field through my own coaching journey, and my coaches have helped fill a huge gap that I personally experienced in feeling like I had the power to change my reality. The tools that mindset and somatics coaches use really work for my brain, and connecting those tools to the specific neurological patterns that are unique to my autistic brain, and the overlap with my ADHD loved ones, became a major passion. I love the fact that coaching is so non-hierarchical in nature, because I feel more free to connect personally with my clients in a way that helps them feel comfortable, rather than feeling the pressure to hold myself apart that exists in many therapy spaces. How my business grows over time is more flexible, and I can more easily shift towards other opportunities, and define my finances on my own terms, rather than having to fight with insurance standards. Will I pursue a CMHC degree in the future? It’s always possible, and the beauty of the flexibility of the coaching field is that there’s always another tool or specialty for me to work towards, and always more ways I can learn to help my clients.
I’m so glad I don’t need to wait to help until I’m a clinical expert, because I can help people so much sooner that way. Ultimately, both life coaches and therapists are flawed humans trying their best with the tools they have to help people figure out their brains and steer their life in the direction they want. What combination of support you choose is always up to you, and I hope this info helps you feel more empowered in that decision!