The more tightly held the belief is, the more your brain holds on to this confirmation bias to protect you from having to rethink your entire belief system. So if we’re talking about a core belief like “other people’s perceptions of me determine my worthiness and lovability,” trying to brainstorm proof that “other people’s opinions of me have no impact on my worth” is going to feel like slamming your head against a brick wall repeatedly, and your brain will go “I have no proof, I can never believe this!” Being aware of the bias and noticing it happening makes it much easier to change, and to not take everything my brain tries to insist upon so seriously. And then we can treat your brain much like a stubborn animal, and build up neuroplasticity by starting to notice the evidence that we had previously discounted. 

Therapy is very often focused on understanding the past and accepting the current, and then stopping there. The thing I love most about coaching is that the field as a whole has a heavy focus on improving your future and working towards the brain and future that you want for yourself. We will still unpack what your brain is doing, and that acceptance and compassion of the present and past is VITAL. But we will then apply that compassion towards movement, and figure out how we want to shift your experience towards something more useful to you.

Lizard brain is running programs constantly under the surface based on all of my socialization, personal experiences, nervous system states, and a whole bunch of shortcuts to help me process the world. And if I never listen to those programs, I don’t have the chance to change them.

How I define success is up to me. And my most important success is my relationship with myself. My most loving relationship with me is how I show up as the most focused, grounded, and compassionate version of me for my friends, family, and clients. And my most loving relationship with me includes not holding myself to the high demands of a rigidly structured schedule and task list.

In taking tiny steps and celebrating the tiny wins, I’m bringing so much more joy into the journey along the way. That’s where the dopamine comes from. That’s how I make changes in my life that last. But all that mindset stuff takes practice.

There’s a difference between thoughts you believe in your heart and just need practice to remind yourself of, and thoughts that you don’t believe at all. One of these works as an affirmation, and one isn’t going to work because your brain is going to call bull.

Forcing yourself to try to do something consistently when your brain isn’t consistent is a recipe for bad times. So what if, as we’re trying for that goal, instead of aiming for consistency, we embrace the idea of faltering and restarting. What if any effort is progress, whether or not it’s consistent?

New me uses every negative emotion as information, leans into meltdowns, and holds myself with love and compassion as I sob on bathroom floors, knowing that every emotion will pass and no matter how scary it feels, I am safe, I’ve got my own back, and I can figure this out.