The Mindset of Celebrating Tiny Steps

Last week I talked about lilypad thoughts as they relate to positive affirmations, and it got me thinking about the mindset that most helped me in my thoughtwork, and why it’s a challenge for both ADHD and autistic brains for different reasons: taking tiny steps instead of monumental shifts.

The world we live in idolizes big flashy transformations and 180 degree transitions (thanks social media). Which makes sense, because drastic change feels exciting, releases dopamine and such, and buys into perfectionist fantasies that you could be a completely different person starting tomorrow. But big flashy changes very often come with a yo-yo effect. I’m reminded of the fact that most people who go on diets gain the weight back and then some (and often do damage to their long-term health in the process). Or how about 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail, because they’re often monumental lifestyle changes that aren’t sustainable. “I’m going to be nice to myself starting tomorrow!” just doesn’t work because perfection doesn’t exist and every human life has bad days and lost momentum. 

The same is true with coaching tools. I don’t tell my clients to start blocking out their whole calendar or start doing thoughtwork journaling for half an hour every day starting tomorrow, because that’s incredibly hard to maintain and often results in mental whiplash. The same concept is part of why lilypad thoughts work better than massive thought shifts, tiny changes are a lot easier on the brain. The brain is just another kind of muscle, and you can’t go from lifting 10 pounds to lifting 200. 

BUT the small baby step changes can be deeply unsatisfying to your brain, because society has coded that into you. Neurodivergent brains have extra layers on top of the socialization that can make it even more challenging to rewire! Left to its own devices, the black-and white thinking that’s especially present in autistic brains would insist that a five minute walk is such a small habit that it’s not even worth it, that it only counts if I run for at least half an hour, it has to be all-or-nothing. And if the movement towards a goal is so small it doesn’t even feel like movement, where is ADHD brain going to get its hit of dopamine from to keep moving? We can make some exceptions to hack that dopamine-seeking, but if we’re always shooting for massive change, it’s going to last, like, two weeks max. 

So the meta-thought that went along with my early work until I fully believed it (courtesy of Kara Loewentheil’s work, credit where credit is due), was along the lines of “1% change is infinitely more than 0% “ because I’m a math nerd. Along with the belief “I am allowed to celebrate the tiniest successes” and courtesy of my somatics teacher Victoria Albina, thoughts like “kitten steps help my nervous system feel safe and supported.” She calls them kitten steps because “baby steps are just too goshdarn big” (paraphrased), which I absolutely love.

I’m not gonna lie, it was incredibly uncomfortable to reign my brain in from getting a gym membership to walking a couple more minutes with the dog. It was really hard to convince myself that adding a single vegetable to my diet was enough of a change when I really wanted to do a whole pantry overhaul. Just the other day, I had to convince myself that I should probably go from 10 to 11 wall pushups instead of 10 to 20. But what I started coding into my brain is that I don’t need to completely change my life in order to feel accomplished, happy, successful, content, etc. If I wait until I hit the big flashy goal to feel joy and pride, then I have to feel negativity and slogging every moment and until then. And it usually turns out the destination looks a lot like the journey. If the mindset I’ve been practicing the whole time is that I’m not allowed to feel proud yet, I will very likely hit the goalpost and my brain will still find a reason I’m not allowed to feel proud, because that’s what it’s used to.

So in taking tiny steps and celebrating the tiny wins, I’m bringing so much more joy into the journey along the way. That’s where the dopamine comes from. That’s how I make changes in my life that last. But all that mindset stuff takes practice. 

So the first step is to give yourself some time to think through it and let it sink in! Grab that journal if you want to dig a little deeper into your brain: 

Journal Prompts

1. Where am I trying for a big change in my life? 

2. What steps do I have set up towards this goal right now?

3. What can I do to make those steps ten times smaller? 

4. What resistance does my brain come up with when it thinks about making those steps smaller?

5. If there’s resistance in my way, what thoughts can I practice instead of resisting the tiny steps?

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